


Underworld

by shipssinkliketitanic



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Civil War, Established Relationship, Hurt Steve, Hurt Tony, M/M, Post-Civil War, Steve Feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-24
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-05-23 01:30:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6100392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipssinkliketitanic/pseuds/shipssinkliketitanic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Civil War ended with Tony Stark’s death.<br/>Thor came back to grieve the death of his friend from Asgard,<br/>with a magic mirror that could connect with the deceased.<br/>Steve finally got to talk to Tony after so long.<br/>“What I would not give to hold you one more time.”<br/>“Me too.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please excuse me for my poor English, I can't really write.

Steve did not go to his funeral. He did not want to; and he could not either. Every time he thought about the person he used to hold on bed, all he knew now was that there would not be one anymore. _Not that there would be if he had not died anyway_. He thought to himself bitterly.

_“Tony! Come on, you gotta stop doing that!”_

_“What? You can’t handle the hotness of me wearing your uniform on bed?” Tony said with a smirk on his face, while posing some assumingly luring poses. “Come Captain, come rip it open. That’s the way this should go. I’m ready, yeah!”_

_“My love, I would be more turnt on if you didn’t say it in that stand-up comedian tone.” Captain Steve Rogers was more than amused by his lover._

_Tony grudged,” you know what YOU gotta stop? Stop putting off my boner on bed.” He said while starting to take off the suit that did not belong to him. Steve raised his hands and took over the job. He slowly approached Tony’s ear, and stopped for a few seconds to seize the chance to look at him closely. ‘His’ he thought to himself. He was chuckled by that thought and let his breath land smoothly on Tony’s ear. He saw him flinched for a bit, then said “Because this will turn on MY boner during battle if you keep doing that, sweet heart.”_

_“I never thought Mr Capsicle was capable of saying such sexy things, not after being frozen in the fridge for 70 years to be honest.” Tony said with a slight hint of blush throughout his ears to his face._

_“There is so much more awaits you to find out.” Steve replied as soon as he pushed over his lover, and he ended this conversation with a hard- pressed kiss._

Steve stopped his thought immediately. He felt like sinning just by remembering his lover. He knew the moment he hit Tony in the head with his shield that he did not deserve to even think about Tony in that way anymore. He slowly slipped down the tree he was hiding behind, and just sat there. He stared towards nothing. Then he found out that from here, Tony could look over the entire Los Angeles. He could even see his mansion in Malibu. He suddenly could not help the sense of satisfaction rising from his stomach because he knew how much Tony hated confined space. At least from here, he would not be scared, _once_ Steve left this place. _Ms Potts chose a great place_.

He heard the sound of flowers dropping. He put his head into his hands, hoping he did not have superhuman hearing. He knew they were going to seal Tony with eternal darkness soon, and he was so afraid. _Please stop… Tony hated to be alone in the dark_. He could not help but weep silently into his hands. Even a drop of tear on this holy ground would taint his dead lover. He waited until everyone had left, or so he thought. Until something was handed to him, he looked up to see Ms Pepper Potts.

She had a negligible smile on her face. She looked almost tranquil until he looked into her deep blue eyes and found a sea of sadness in them.

“Tony wanted Jarvis to be buried with him. I asked Vision to repair it a little. He would want you to give it to him.” Potts said with that still smile. Steve started to think that it was the practice of her job, or else everyone _knew_ he did not deserve anything. So he did not pick up what was in her pale hand.

She retrieved her hand and started to sit next to Steve. She took a few moments to tidy her black dress in order to make herself comfortable on the grass. _Almost like she wanted to stay here, for Tony._ He thought; and he supposed she was going to tell him to take the chip with a mind in it. Instead, she simply stared at the mansion, or stared through it.

“ Tony loved that house,” she said with a slightly larger smile, and her eyes were as calm as ever. “He said it was a complete representation of him, _class_.” She continued, “ but I always thought there was so much more, he was just used to denying himself from goodness.” She leaned her head back to the tree, not caring if it would mess up her hair.

“ Yeah.” Steve did not know what to say. He did not know what he could do so that he could provide the minimal solace to this broken woman. He was so broken as well. But he understood why she was saying this to him. When someone met a loss so great, there was no way to not see it everywhere. Potts did not have superhuman vision, but she still easily spotted the mansion miles away.

“I’m sorry.” Steve finally spilled out these three words for the first time after everything. These words were so heavy because he felt like he could not just say it whenever he wanted. He had to bear the weight of them.

Potts quickly turned to him with what seemed to be surprise in her eyes, and soon she smiled again and turned away. “What have you done wrong?”

“ I…I thought I would give anything to have Tony by my side before the war. Turns out I could not even give my belief…” he corners of Steve’s lips started to lift up a little bit as well, from the mockery he put against himself.

“ He would not have loved you the way he did if you would give your belief so easily.” She said quietly, still staring to the sky. The sun was setting and the darkness was about to consume all lights.

Suddenly, Steve realized that this woman had lost more than anyone had in this war. She was no part of this tug of war between the heroes, yet she was dragged into it relentlessly. What’s more, she was forced to swallow all of the consequence. _It’s not fair_.

She promptly stood up, patted the non- existing dirt from her dress. “Here, take it,” she dropped the chip into his arms. “I told them to push back the time of the burial. Go spend some time with him while you still can.” And that was it. She just walked away, leaving Steve a rear view of lone woman with a straight back.

The lights in the city started to light up one by one.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I know I promised but mid terms came crushing on me and I got very stuck. This will be a short connection chapter and more will happen in the next. Which should come soon enough. Thanks.
> 
> Update from May 2: I made some changes here and there, check it out if you desire!

Steve slowly walked out of the tree in the dark. He was already stepping out his left foot when he seemed to suddenly remember something. He looked around cautiously, making sure he was with Tony alone, making sure no one saw him _sinning_. He thought he heard something, but he _thought_ he heard a lot of things too ever since Tony died.

 

_It was five days after he had his lover’s blood running through his fingers. For the first few days, he kept his hope up. Although his suit was literally doused with Tony’s blood, he still thought that there might be a chance that Tony was still alive. Maybe he was just punishing Steve for something. But he had learnt to live with the guilt. He still saw the red from time to time, whenever he wanted to. The maroon red from Tony’s blood, the crimson red from Tony’s armor, the whole world was red to Steve. He used to think when despair hit so bad, the whole world would go dark. Then he realized that black was for the ones spared. Darkness was for the dead. The ones still alive, the ones who were still bearing the sin did not deserve darkness. The red all around him reminded him of how much damage he had caused, how much pain he had inflicted. He wondered if his supersoldier serum was starting to run out because he stopped seeing other colours after Tony. ‘Finally’ he thought. In this way, he could finally go. He stared at his huge hands at the bar table in the communal area._

_He remembered Tony used to be obsessed with them. He was amazed with what these hands could create, but he never remembered to recognize what HE could create. He was never capable of recognizing the good in him but he was so generous with the people around him. The area was now clear. Every bit of the time they spent there as a team and everything else was still there for sure. He knew Tony sent people to clean it up regularly. He then remembered what Natasha said to him after Peggy’s funeral:_

_“ Staying together is more important than HOW we stay together.”_

_He didn’t think it was right. He didn’t want a group of people together with different ideologies on what’s right and wrong. He supposed he still stand by that now. He still didn’t think that politics should have control over the Avengers. They were too powerful to be manipulated. But maybe, just maybe if he had listened to Natasha for a little, he would still have Tony._

_“Together.”_

_But everyone was gone now. It was so quiet even his super hearing did not catch anything._

_“ Jarvis where’s my coffee?!”_

_Steve jerked his head up in an otherworldly speed and looked at the entrance. His mind did not process any thought before a word slipped through his teeth. “Tony.”_

_He stared for a minute, or maybe twenty. He had lost the ability to register time ever since that moment. Until he was absolutely sure no one would come up. Ever. He felt this strange relief within. He let out a breath that he had been holding, and looked around. He saw Tony everywhere._

He kept on walking towards the black flat stone towering in the middle of the cemetery, until he reached a seemingly endless pit. He knew Tony was lying in there lifelessly, and there was nothing he could do about it. He stopped at the rim of the pit. So that was it, right? A Genius, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist, Visionary and an American patriot. Yes, Tony had always been a visionary. That was why the war had started in the first place. He wanted to prevent Ultron from happening again. He wanted to prevent a civil war between heroes. _An Accord_. An accord that could prevent superheroes from going rouge, just like Tony did. He was scared of something, probably himself and Steve was not there to see it. _To save it_. Tony always wanted to save everyone that he did not see what really needed to be saved. If he could only believe in the goodness in him, he would see that they did not need to be regulated. But he died thinking that he had once again caused all the pain. ‘ _Visionary._ ’

Steve finally got to look at the tombstone. It was plain and simple, with a few words crafted on it. One might find it disappointing because it did not convey the extravagance of Tony. But somehow it reminded Steve of the slit suits that Tony always wore; it felt like Tony. The dim beam from the moon had slowly moved on to Tony’s grave. It must have been a long time since Steve was there. There was no photo on it. He was not sure whether it was because of a will Tony written somewhere in his protocols. Or maybe it was because Ms Potts could no longer look at a picture of Tony after seeing his motionless face. At least he knew that he could not. Steve thought he did not have to anyway, he saw him everywhere. He noticed there was a quote engraved on the stone. He suddenly had this unseasonal feeling of surprise lavishing from his stomach. He never registered Tony as a person who would leave the one last word. He read the line quietly:

“ _In balance with this life, this death._ ”

The moon was slightly brighter now. He could see it peeking out from behind the clouds. He laid down on the grass to the right of Tony, finally closing his eyes. That was exactly where he slept next to Tony on their bed. It was the side closest to the window. He remembered seeing the exact same light when he still had Tony’s faint snore echoing besides him.

He read the line out loud again, and let out a small chuckle. “An Irish Airman foresees his Death,” Steve was once again beaten by Tony’s sense of humour.


	3. Chapter 3

He had never felt so close to Tony for a very long time. Of course he knew Tony was dead; he knew that the mind he once loved had left the body that was lying right next to him. But there was something about being physically close to Tony that gave him comfort in a time like this. Steve stared into the blurry sky; there was not a lot to see in plain sight. It was grey; you see a few stars and the veiled moon, and then there was nothing. He didn’t seem like he was thinking about anything. But one could see that his right hand grasped firmly onto the grass, as if there was nothing else to hold onto. Steve wanted to hold Tony’s hand again so bad that he felt this primal urge to simply grasp something; or else he would truly have nothing.

Steve wondered since when he and Tony started to drift apart. He knew without the slightest doubt that he loved Tony dearly. He still remembered the way Tony used to look at him in the eyes and tell him that there was nothing bluer than those eyes. It was the moment after the war that he realized he never had those eyes Tony admired. What an irony that Zemo was the one to point it out. Tony just saw him in his own way; Steve was never the person Tony saw him to be. _‘Maybe he finally saw the little bit of green in my eyes before the moment of his death,_ ’ Steve thought, ‘ _maybe Tony regretted it at the end_.’ He would say the crack started after Ultron. Sure, Ultron was a mistake that Tony made and he was too stubborn to admit it at the time. But Steve knew exactly why he made that mistake. Tony used to scream at night and babble random phrases. But there was one that he particularly remembers the most, “ _Steve… wake up_.” He never understood and he never asked, Tony would never tell him either. But Wanda did, and then everything made sense. No matter how tight Steve held him in his sleep, or how many times he told Tony that he would never stop loving him; he never stopped mumbling those words. Maybe Tony just did not believe him; and Steve thought it was the right thing to do, since he killed him and all that. So in the end, it turned out that they drifted apart because of him. He did not understand what Tony needed; all he knew was that it was more than he ever gave him. It was _his_ fault. Steve rested his arm over his eyes while closing them. He blocked the last beam of light out.

 

_“Just… come with us.” The words slipped through Tony’s tighten lips while clenching his jaw. Steve could see some sort of desperation in those begging eyes. But it was an urgent time, and he made an urgent decision. He had someone he wanted to protect, someone he needed to. No one else would stand for Buck if he did not and he was not ready to lose the last thing he had got from the old time. After Peggy’s funeral, Steve could feel this constant lack of existence in him. He felt like he had almost lost his entire history. Was he real? Was he really Steve? Who was really Steve? Steve had thought he knew what his purpose of existence truly was: to protect people. But he was a human too, though barely. He too needed history, private, connection… family. He wanted to protect not just people, but especially those who were around him like anyone else. But he was being selfish. He chose Bucky’s side not because he found out there were more winter soldiers. It was not because of the accord either. No, certainly not. It was much simpler than that. He chose Bucky over Tony, over the team, over anyone else. He chose to believe that no one needed his help more than Bucky; and that Tony was capable of protecting himself. He was always so strong right? By this time, Steve ignored the fact that Tony Stark tended to hide behind his Ironman mask, regardless of the fact that Tony had taken it off now._

_He was just being selfish, and he caved in to that idea at that particular time at that particular airport._

_“ I’m sorry Tony… You know I can’t do that.” Tony put on his mask as soon as Steve finished that sentence. Steve thought maybe that was the moment when he truly lost his lover. Tony ran straight towards him. He held up his right hand and the repulsor was dangerously visible to Steve. Steve kept running until he could feel his shield hit Tony’s chest plate. The clash. His hyper senses allowed him to feel how much pressure he forced on Tony. It did not feel right. He had so much love for Tony that anything other than an embrace would kill him. ‘But I had to, I had to continue.’ He thought to himself while raising another arm at Tony._

Steve quickly opened his eyes. He could not breathe. He tried to gasp for air but something in him hurt so much, it was like when he was still tiny. It was a long time before he could breathe calmly again; and the grass under his right hand had long gone lifeless.

It was time for him to go.

He stood up and wanted to look at Tony one last time. Then it finally came to his realization that he already _saw_ Tony for the last time. It was when he smashed that shield down to his face, before Tony could raise his arms in the final attempt to save himself from him. There was nothing but fear in those eyes. Did Tony lose all of his love for Steve at the last moments of his life? Steve would never know. He guessed there was still some mercy left for him in life. He did not have to bear the truth that Tony died thinking Steve wanted to kill him. 

He dropped Jarvis into the completely black pit. Then he turned around and started walking back to the tower. He did not say a word to the grave. He knew Tony would laugh at him if he found out he was talking to a lifeless body. Against the bright light that California’s night was radiating, the strong straight back that had always been carrying the weight of the shield appeared hunched.


	4. Chapter 4

The moment Steve stepped out of the elevator; he heard a heated argument coming out from the communal area. He already turned left and began waking towards his destination before he stopped in the middle of the hallway. Supersoldier serum did not seem to work very well these days but he thought he heard his name brought up in between sentences a few times. He managed to walk a few more steps before deciding to check it out. Although all he really wanted was to go to Tony and his bed and snuggle Tony’s pillow. Sometimes he could still get scents of Tony from it if he was lucky. That could maybe get him at least a couple hours of sleep.

The closer he got to the room, the better he heard them. They were Natasha’s and Rhodes’ voices. He presented himself to the room before he could make out any useful information from the argument. The conversation was cut silent by his appearance. They all turned their heads together and looked at him with this eerie glare in their eyes. That startled Steve and he stayed at the entrance. He could not put a word to it, but it was almost like they were feeling _pity_ for him. It was then he was truly surprised, because not only everyone currently on the team but also Dr. Banner and Thor were there.

Thor was the first to move. He walked towards him and gave him a strong hug. “ I am sorry for what you have lost, brother. I should have been present during a difficult time like the one that had freshly passed.” He sounded oddly soft despite his usual thundering voice. The way Thor put it made Steve wonder if he had got the full story of Tony’s death. _‘Did he know that I…’_

“ Well, I guess our argument has just ended then.” Natasha’s sudden remark interrupted Steve’s thought and drew everyone’s attention to her. Steve followed her line of sight and he landed his eyes on an ancient looking mirror lying on the table behind all of them. It was not very big, about the size of a desk mirror. But Steve found it awkward, as he could not quite place it with a specific art style. “Would somebody fill him in quick please. I would like this to start ASAP.” Rhodes said with a certain frown in his face. Steve had never seen him so impatient before. If he was not still on his crochets and braces, Steve was sure he would have been pacing around the room by now. He suddenly had a bad feeling about this. He did not think he would like to know whatever that was going to happen.

“So,” Clint broke the silence, “I would do the honour then. Long story short, would you want to speak to Tony again, Steve?”

“What?” Steve did not think he heard it right. He was not even sure if he comprehended it. “Thor brought a magical mirror from Asgard, not the one from Snow White of course. Although I would love to see it cause’ you know I read the story to my kids from time to time. Ok back to the point,” Clint continued, “ Apparently this mirror allows the living to talk to the dead. Only once and only for a certain amount of time, but we can talk to Tony using the mirror. Natasha insisted to wait for you to come back but Colonel Rhodes wanted to start without you since we didn’t know if you were coming back. But that was before. So would you want to start now? I think some of us is barely holding it in.” Clint finished his astonishing speech by looking at Rhodes. Rhodes returned to him an even deeper frown.

Steve’s eyes widened. He could not speak a word; he could not come up with any thought. He simply stood there and stared at the mirror. He was one mirror away from Tony, whatever that meant. He could never have fathomed such a chance for himself.

“ I believe that was the least I could amend,” said Thor. That broke Steve out of his daze and he ran towards the table. He finally got a better look at the mirror. It seemed like a fancy but ordinary mirror at first. The brown casing had added to it a scent of otherworldliness since no one could really tell what kind of material it was. But one would find that the mirror did not give any reflection when one looked more closely. It was as if the world was _dead_. But Steve wondered which one was it, the one with the deceased or the one without?

Steve’s enormous hands were shaking involuntarily. He tried to force himself to pick up the mirror. But he could not overlook the blood in between his fingers and palms. The blood was invisible to the others but never to Steve. He retrieved his fingers tentatively and withdrew his glance from the mirror. _‘ I would not want blood smeared all over this mirror, wouldn’t I?_ ’ Steve asked himself. He was still shaking, albeit not from the excitement of being able to see Tony again but the urge to hide from all this. He was torn between wanting to speak to Tony and running away. He could feel of the eyes were all looking at him and he could not bear it. Steve could feel tears forming around the corners of his eyes so he quickly turned around and ran for the door. He did not leave though. He hid himself right behind the door and slowly slid down the cold metal surface. He put his face into his hands, which was something he found himself doing a lot lately. How could he possibly leave when he knew he could hear Tony for the one last time, when the last words he got from Tony were “So was I”?

These words had haunted him ever since the second Tony let them out. Steve could still remember the texture of Tony’s voice when he said them. His voice was filled with the unimaginable disappointment, awe, and most importantly, sadness.

_Steve was lying on the ground watching Bucky tear Tony’s reactor out of his chest plate. His metal fingers were embedded into the slim rim between the reactor and its case. He struggled to move up and grab Bucky away from his Tony. However, he failed miserably because his chest hurt too immensely. Tony’s repulsor had hit him directly in the body. But somehow, he felt this even deeper agony inside his chest that immobilized him. His heart ached uncontrollably when his eyes stopped at Tony’s pinned down body. How did it all come to this? All those nights of cuddling, kissing and touching had turned into endless collision of force and harm. “Tony.” Steve let out a word in a faint but begging voice. He knew it was not fair because Tony heard it, and he looked down at Steve for a moment. Bucky took the chance to dig further into his chest plate. It wasn’t fair._

_Suddenly, a blinding beam shot out from the reactor. An overwhelming worry took over Steve. He feared with his life that the reactor would explode and kill both the people he cared the most, all of them. Instead, he found the winter soldier lying weakly on the ground just like himself. There was still smoke coming out from the stump of his metal arm. Bucky’s face was filled with confusion and pain. Steve immediately shot up and ready to defend his injured friend. When he looked at the Iron man, he saw him walking towards him. The kick he gave Bucky’s face on the way to Steve sparked the most intense rage burning in him. He could not believe that he had caused Bucky to lose his arm twice. He could not believe that all he ever brought him was pain. So he charged. He charged at Tony in this anger that veiled his mind. He could not feel anything when he hit Tony in the face. He had not the slightest guilt when Tony slipped out those three haunting words. After all, all he could feel was pure rage._

_So he kept hitting, striking, busting as he kneeled above the Iron man. He kept going until his faceplate came shattering down. Tony was looking at him in these big hazel eyes. What used to fill with adoration and love were now drown in complete fear. Of course Steve saw it. He was kneeling right above him pinning him down. How could he not see Tony’s face? But at that particular moment, it was as if Steve could not register Tony’s face. His brain failed to connect these eyes with the ones that used to look at him with nothing but affection. So he brought his shield down to that face, that flesh. Tony must have seen something in Steve’s face that he knew this man would end his life. He must have, because he raised his arms up in the last attempt to protect himself from this man. But it was too futile, too late. When his shield planted itself into the armor surrounding Tony’s crossing arms, the blow sent Tony’s head smashing straight into the cement ground._

_And that was it. The whole world went silent, because Tony went silent._

_It took him a few moments to realize what he just did, and another few to get the metal off Tony’s face. But it did not matter anymore; Steve’s heart was already lost._

_“STEVE.”_

It was the same determined but calming voice that brought him out of his confusion after he killed his lover. He slowly corked his face up as he heard Natasha calling his name. She did not open the door as if she knew he was leaning against it on the other side. Her low voice sneaked through the heavy metal and she asked,

“Tony wants to see you, you’re last.”

Steve slowly rose up and put his shaking hands on the door handle. He pushed open the door with nothing but fear. He knew that he could no longer live his life pretending Tony died without losing all the love he had for Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter should be the last. Thanks for holding on.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if there's anything that does not sound right.Something like Steve does not sound like Steve, or Steve seems to be a ultimate bad guy. Because that's not what I want!! Also this is my virgin fic, it would be nice if you could leave any comments where I could improve. Slowly writing between all the mess college has presented me.


End file.
